Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Kylefecta in Real Time

A Sunday without any distractions, so I’m going to log my thoughts on the Texas race live as it plays out. I’m watching the Dolphins vs Pats game on CBS and the pre-race show on ABC while I wait for the green flag.

This piece will not be objective, fair, or balanced. I’m down with Kyle pulling off the trifecta, or Kylefecta as it is now known. LOL.

Since they’re racing in Texas I’m drinking Dr Pepper. Speedy was right….it does NOT mix with ANY alcoholic beverage. I’ll try and leave the profanities out, but I can’t promise that. Go Kyle!

3:00….ZZ Top concert on front stretch. Why do all their songs sound the same on TV?
3:03….First Monday Night Football promo of raceday.
3:04….TD Miami! ‘Wildcat’ Ronnie Brown throws to a wide open TE.

3:05….I love that Southwest Airlines commercial with the baggage handlers. “Bags are my life.”
3:06….Brad Daugherty gets something to eat. Those ribs DO look good.
3:12…*&$#! Randy Moss. Is it unpatriotic to hate the N.E. Patriots?

3:21….Race intro. Comparing the Chasers to bullriders? Pulleeze! “Cowboy up” and "Ain’t their first rodeo” in the same sentence? Pulleeze!
3:23….60 year old rock stars give the command to start your engines. Lame.
3:34…Green flag….finally!

3:36….YES!!! JJ loses it! Turn two, the Rattlesnake! Lap 3. Looks like Sam lost it and got into Jimmie. Upon further review, Reutimann tapped Hornish and sent him into Johnson.
3:44…Re-start, lap 19.
3:45…Kyle in third. Do I hear the theme from ‘Jaws’?

3:47….Split screen and timer on JJ’s repairs.
3:48….Carl Edwards, via radio, says that maybe the 48’s wreck will “teach the media” a lesson. What a clown.
3:49…Kurt leading, baby bruh in second.

3:51….Commercial with the man-made ‘meteors’. Druid from Verizon. Question, Why do some of them go into the ocean? Not sure I want a wireless service that sends messages where no one will see them.
3:53….Why no interview with JJ yet? He’s not Kyle, so it’s OK for him to dodge the media?
4:02…MNF promo.

4:06….Kurt +4 seconds ahead of Kyle.
4:07…Green flag pit stops begin. Lap 53.
4:09….Debris caution will come out as soon as everyone makes their pitstop?

4:11…Kyle 1st after stops. Surprise no debris!
4:20…Kyle still leading. JJ still in garage. NY Giants vs Chargers on CBS. Panthers @ Saints on Fox. I hear remotes clicking all over the country.
4:23….Keselowski won’t let the leader go by. Races Kyle hard. Give it up punk. Finally! BK pulls up 8 lanes out of Kurt’s way now, and waves him by like a matador. LOL!

4:25…Is Denny Hamlin even in this race? Oops, there goes Sudden Sam around again. The Texas Rattlesnake again! Who doesn’t love Brad Daugherty?
4:27….Great hand held camera shot straight down pit wall of all the crewmen ready to jump. New director in the truck?
4:28….12.2 seconds!! The M&Ms boys are smokin’. Just heard Hamlin’s name, one hour in.

4:39….Kyle still leading. Yawn.
4:41…I wish someone would call the SPCA on Bush’s Beans for dressing up that Goldie in their commercial. Ugh!
4:45….JJ back on track. Ugh.

4:46…Tim Brewer finally shows what the 48 crew did to JJ’s car. Go back to sleep, Tim.
4:50….Points update! If it ended now! But it won’t, right?
4:54….Jerry Punch trying to jinx Kyle? First to win three in one weekend at one track. No spit, Sherlock. We know!

4:59….Looking dark on TV in Texas. JJ 117 laps down. Punch does another Kylefecta promo.
5:00….Green flag stops again.
5:05….M&Ms crew, all stops in the 12 second range!

5:06….Punch is blathering something about Dale Jr. Yawn!
5:07…Kyle is a half a straightaway from lapping Jeff G. Don’t worry NASCAR won’t let that happen.
5:08….Dead man talking…Billy Mays for the ‘Tool Bandit’. Who doesn’t want to hold all their scissors, nails, and sharp tools right beside their jugular?

5:12…Debris caution…right as Kyle caught Gordon to put him a lap down. Hmmmmm! Who didn’t see that coming?
5:21….Kurt takes the lead on the restart.
5:22….99, 42, and 24, all Chasers, in the big one. JPM got loose, hit Carl. Jeff just lost it.

5:27…Is JPM blaming Kyle for his wreck? WTF?!
5:32….Restart. Kurt leading Kyle and Rooty.
5:43…Kurt still way out front. Yawn. Oh, let’s see the JJ wreck again…. For the sixteenth time!

5:45….Sorenson pancakes the right side. Mmmmm, pancakes! Where was I? Oh yeah, yellow is out.
5:46….The Candy Crew are still busting out the 12 sec stops!
5:51….Kyle, via radio, tells his crew, “We’re gonna win it.” Cocky or confident? I don’t care! Either one is good.

5:54….Restart. Kyle out in front of big bruh. I’d love for this to go green for the 120 laps that are left. NASCAR will NOT let that happen though.
5:56….Punch just gave points scenario for JJ by saying, “If the entire field wrecked right now.” Glad I don’t have a loaded gun lying around.
6:00….CMA Awards Wednesday on ABC. Really? I would have never known if not for the 11 commercials. Just let me know when Pickler’s onscreen.

6:08….NASCAR Super Store…. Office nerd in #18 shirt tells other nerd, “Stay outta the fast lane, bro.”
6:12…Kyle still leading Kurt. 88 laps to go. Martin up to 3rd. Don’t like the looks of that.
6:17…I may have to watch ‘Extreme Home Makeover’ tonight for the first time ever. Pickler in tight tee shirt. What a talent!

6:24…Green flag stop for Kyle with 65 laps to go. Has not gone that far on fuel all day. I predict he will this time. Won’t matter, as NASCAR will throw a debris caution with under 20 to go.
6:26….Kurt falls to 4th by staying out an extra lap or two on old tires. Won’t matter. See above.
6:29….Kyle thinks some lug nuts are loose. KRISTEN!

6:36….That right front tire did NOT look good!
6:47….Green flag stops for gas!
6:50…15 laps to go….still no debris! Will NASCAR screw Kyle?

6:52….Come on Kyle! Win one on mileage for the new crew chief!
6:55…Jr is out of gas with 7 to go. He’s stalling on pit road! Could bring out the yellow!
6:56…Rooty is out of gas! Jr is dead in the water. A 3,400 pound piece of debris on pit road. He’s moving now. Damn! No caution.

6:57…Kyle is out of gas!!!!Double damn!!! Why, why, oh why did they try and make it so far?
6:58…White flag for Kurt. Kyle is dead in the water now.
6:59…Kurt wins a million bucks for a lucky fan, as he wins the race.
7:01….The Kylefecta implodes two laps from the end.

That’s all folks. Unbelievable finish.



  1. WOOOT!!! Dang I wish I were around today for the race chat and your lap by lap...hilarious Gene!

    JPM was blaming Carl not Kyle...his accent gets worse when he is mad.

    Sorry about them lugs - I couldn't let Kyle take it with Kurt in 2nd.

    WOOOT!!! Back to doing the happy dance for me!

  2. Still thinking about that barbecue... as long as it's not for breakfast.

  3. Great read,, see my comments on your Flag stand post.

  4. Wow! Gene, I did not even have to watch this race. I should have just tuned into your blog. It was far more entertaining than the actual race. lol