Thursday, May 14, 2009

Right Sides Only

This week all the stars and cars of NASCAR are playing a home game, as the All-Star race is held in the stock car capital of the world, Charlotte, NC.

The All-Star event can go either way, either real boring, or a wreckfest. It's usually the latter, as the best drivers in the world seem to lose their friggin' minds.

Which way will the wind blow this time? When the sun goes down, the green flag comes around. So get in. Strap in. Shut up. Hold on tight. Turn left. And don't bring back nothing but the steering wheel, son. This is the All-Star race.

That last paragraph is my prediction of what Larry McReynolds will say sometime before the race starts.

Lowes Motor Speedway had the best idea EVER. They brought in the greatest pro wrestler EVER, Ric Flair,--- WHOOO--- to do commercials, sell tickets, be the grand marshall, judge the burn-out competition, and generaly class up the place.

Makes perfect sense to partner with pro wrestling, after all they both have the same phantom rulebooks, and the officials will always look the other way for a fan favorite.

The burnout competition before the race has seven entrants this year, instead of the five they had last year. Also some 'lucky' fan gets to ride along with Kevin he power brakes the tires off his car.

Others judging the burnouts, along with The Nature Boy, include Randy Moss, country singing duo Montgomery, Gentry, and El Gordo...Jimmy Spencer. Biggest embarassment will be Darrell Waltrip trying to talk and do burnouts at the same time. Puleeze!

Jeff Gordon has three wins in his 15 All-Star races. Mark Martin, and HMS mate, Jimmie Johnson, have two wins, while Matt Kenseth and Ryan Newman each have one win in the All-star event.

In two All-Star races, Denny Hamlin has no top-10s. While his JGR teammate, Kyle Busch, has no top-10s in three starts. Dale Earnhardt Jr won it in his rookie year, as did Newman.

Friday May, 15 is Dale Earnhardt Day. The seven-time champ will be honored at DEI headquarters in Mooresville, NC.

JJ Yeley will be subbing for -----poor test taker--- Jeremey Mayfield for the next few races. Yeley can DNQ just as well as Mayfield can.

NASCAR is conducting a study to figure out why FOX TV's ratings are down by double digit margins. What could keep adults from watching a sporting event? Hmmm.

That's your assignment, loyal readers. What is the ONE thing that FOX needs to get rid of?

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